XMen Songs
by Pip the MiT Squeak
Summary: Songs about XMen, written by my friend and I. They are all parodies about songs. Rated T for mild language. Possible Scott bashing.
1. All He Cares About is Love

YAY! Here they are, X-Men songs! Parodies on tunes most people know! Some have little intros…to explain what's going on…

The first few songs will be by my friend because she sent me a ton of them, and I haven't had much of a chance to write some, and I have her permission to post them. Anyways…

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or this song from Chicago sung by Billy Flynn (is that how it's spelled?)

All I Care About - Chicago The Musical

Fan girls:  
We want Remy  
Where is Remy?  
Give us Remy  
We want Remy  
R. e.m.y.  
We're all his  
He's our kind of a guy   
And ooh what luck  
'cause here he is.

Leah:  
Ladies and Gentlemen presenting the Cajun thief of the X-men, the one the only Remy LeBeau!

Remy:  
I don't care about expensive things  
Cashmere coats, diamond rings  
Don't mean a thing  
All I care bout is love

Fan girls:  
That's what he's here for  
Remy: that's what I'm here for

Remy:  
I don't care for wearin' silk cravats  
Ruby studs, satin spats  
Don't mean a thing  
All I care bout is love

Fan girls:  
all he cares about is love

Remy:  
Gimme two eyes of blue  
Softly saying "I need you" ( Fan girls: I need you)  
Let me see her standin' there  
And honest mister, I'm a millionaire

I don't care for any fine attire   
Vanderbuilt might admire  
No, no, not me  
All I care about is love...  
Remy:  
All he cares about is love.

Remy:(whistles)  
(girls hum..)

Remy: (spoken.) maybe you think I'm talking about physical love. well, I'm not. not just physical love. there's other kinds of love. like love of...justice. love of... legal procedure. love of lending a hand to someone who really needs you. love of your fellow man. those kinds of love are what I'm talkin' about. and physical love ain't so bad either.  
(sung.)  
It may sound odd  
But all I care about is love

Fan girls.  
That's what he's here for

Remy: (boo boo chorus to:)  
Honest to god  
All I care about is love  
Fan girls.   
All he cares about is love

Remy:  
Show me long brown hair  
Flowin' down, about to there  
And when I see her flyin' free  
Keep your money, that's enough for me 

I don't care for driven' Packard cars  
Or smoking long, buck cigars  
No, no, not me  
All I care about is  
Doin' the guy in  
Who's pickin' on you  
Twistin' the wrist  
That's turnin' the screw

All.  
All I (he) care(s) about is love!


	2. Wolverine

Disclaimer: Hooray for Disney songs! I don't own The X-Men, or Prince Ali (from Aladdin) My friend wrote this

Wolverine!

(Tune to Prince Ali from Disney's Aladdin)

Make way for Wolverine  
Say hey! It's Wolverine

Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar  
Hey you!  
Let us through!  
It's an awesome old star!  
Oh Come!  
Be the first on your block to meet his eye!

Make way!  
Here he comes!  
Ring bells! Bang the drums!  
Are you gonna love this guy!

Wolverine! Fabulous he!  
The Feral Canadian  
Genuflect, show some respect  
Down on one knee!  
Now, try your best to stay calm  
He is absolutely the bomb  
Then come and meet his spectacular coterie

Wolverine!  
Mighty is he!  
The Feral Canadian  
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!  
He faced the galloping hordes  
A hundred bad guys with swords  
Who sent those goons to their lords?  
Why, Wolverine

He's got tons of war stories to ramble  
Personality  
He's wild and free  
When it comes to exotic-type mammals  
Has he seen a zoo?  
I'm telling you, it's a world-class menagerie

Wolverine! Handsome is he, The Feral Canadian  
That physique! How can I speak  
Weak at the knee  
Well, get on out in that square  
Adjust your x-suit and prepare  
To gawk and grovel and stare at Wolverine!

There's no question this Wolvie's alluring  
Never ordinary, never boring  
Everything about the man just plain impresses  
He's a winner, he's a whiz, a wonder!  
He's about to pull my heart asunder!  
And I absolutely love the way he dresses!

He's fought and beaten up Victor Creed  
(Kicked his ass, Kicked his ass)  
And to view the fight he charges no fee  
(He's generous, so generous)  
He's got attitude, he's got Fangirls and Fanboys  
(Proud to work for him)  
They bow to his whim love serving him  
They're just lousy with loyalty to Wolverine! Wolverine!

Wolverine!  
Amorous he! Wolverine the Feral Canadian  
Heard he loves drinkin' his beer in that bar down the street  
And that, good people, is why he got a cigar and dropped by  
With his buddy Gambit, women galore  
With his Harley Davidson  
Maybe a bike or two more  
With his wicked hair, his aura, his stare  
He's' the COOLEST can't you see  
Make way for Wolverine!


	3. One Jump

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or that One Jump song from Aladdin. My friend wrote this.

Hehe…Aladdin's a thief…Remy's a thief…

Gambit: Gotta keep  
One jump ahead of the breadline  
One swing ahead of the sword  
I steal only what I can't afford  
( That's Everything! )

One jump ahead of the lawmen  
That's all, and that's no joke  
These guys don't appreciate I'm broke

Police: Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel! Take that!

Gambit: Just a little snack, guys  
Police: Rip him open, take it back, guys  
Gambit: I can take a hint, gotta face the facts  
You're my only friend, Logan!  
Logan: Whatever.

Random Chicks: Oh it's that Remy's hit the bottom.  
He's become a one-man rise in crime  
Old Lady: I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em  
Gambit: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Tell you all about it when I got the time!

One jump ahead of the slowpokes  
One skip ahead of my doom  
Next time gonna use a nom de plume  
One jump ahead of the hit men  
One hit ahead of the flock  
I think I'll take a stroll around the block

Police: Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!

Gambit: Let's not be too hasty  
Leah: Still I think he's rather tasty  
Gambit: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Otherwise we'd get along  
Police: Wrong!

Gambit: One jump ahead of the trucks

(Vandal!)  
One hop ahead of the hoard  
(Street rat!)  
One trick ahead of disaster  
(Scoundrel!)  
They're quick, but I'm much faster  
(Take that!)  
Here goes, better throw my hand in  
Wish me happy landin'  
All I gotta do is jump

Gambit escapes by way of his mad skills and BO-STAFF!


	4. Razzle Dazzle

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or Razzle Dazzle from Chicago…

I made this one, with some help from my friend and we were like…YEAH!

Razzle Dazzle

Sung to: Razzle Dazzle

(Logan is having trouble with the law)

Remy: Yeah, I know how it works with the cops…

Wolverine: I bet you do…

Remy: It's all a circus, Logan. A three ring circus.  
These trials- the wholeworld- all show business.  
But you're working with a star, the biggest!  
_As Remy starts to sing, a girl takes his trench coat and puts on one that's glittery/shiney. Another girl puts a hat on him. With his bo-staff he does one of those hat and cane dances_

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle  
Razzle Dazzle 'em  
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it  
And the reaction will be passionate  
Give 'em the old hocus pocus  
Bead and feather 'em  
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?  
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?

Razzle dazzle 'em  
And they;ll never catch wise!

Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle

Everyone: Razzle dazzle 'em  
Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous

Remy: Row after row will crow vociferous

Everyone: Give 'em the old flim flam flummox  
Fool and fracture 'em

Remy: How can they hear the truth above the roar?

Everyone: Throw 'em a fake and a finagle  
They'll never know you're just a bagel,

Remy: Razzle dazzle 'em  
And they'll beg you for more!

Everyone: Give 'em the old double whammy  
Daze and dizzy 'em  
Back since the days of old Methuselah  
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give 'em the old three ring circus  
Stun and stagger 'em  
When you're in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder  
They'll let you get away with murder  
Razzle dazzle 'em  
And you've got a romance

Everyone (The same time as Remy's)  
Give 'em the old  
Razzle Dazzle

Remy: Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle  
Razzle dazzle 'em  
Show 'em the first rate sorceror you are  
Long as you keep 'em way off balance  
How can they spot you've got no talent  
Razzle Dazzle 'em

Everyone: Razzle Dazzle 'em  
Razzle Dazzle 'em

And they'll make you a star!


	5. How Do You Solve Problems Like Allison a

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the X-Men, or How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? From the Sound of Music. My friend helped me with this one, but I mainly wrote it...

How Do You Solve Problems Like Allison and Leah?

Sung to: How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

Scott: (speaking)Well, Professor Xavier. . .I hope this new infraction ends whatever doubts you may still have about Allison and Leah's future here.

Wolverine: I always try to keep faith in my doubts, Cyclops. After all, the wool of a black sheep is just as warm.

Cyclops: We are not talking about sheep, black or white, Wolverine. Of all the candidates for the X-Men, Allison and Leah are the least--

Xavier: Children, children. We were speculating about the qualifications of our students. You were trying to help me by expressing opposite points of view. Tell me, Jean what do you think of Allison and Leah?

Jean: They are wonderful girls, some of the time.

Xavier: Rouge?

Rouge: It's very easy to like Allison and Leah. . .except when it's difficult.

Xavier: Gambit, what do you think?

Gambit: Oh, I think they're cool, but dey always seem to be in trouble, don't they?

Cyclops: Exactly what I say.

(singing) they climb a tree and scrape a knee  
X Suits have a tear  
Emma: They always call Cyclops an ass  
And they never go to bed  
Cyclops: And instead of paying attention

they read comic books instead  
Storm: I even heard them scheming in the hallway!

Storm: They're always late for classes  
Gambit: But their penitence is real  
Emma: They're always late for everything  
Wolverine: Except for every meal  
Cyclops: I hate to have to say it  
But I very firmly feel  
They are not an asset to the X-Men

Gambit: I'd like to say a word in their behalf

Xavier: Yes Gambit?  
Gambit: they make me laugh.

Xavier: How do you solve problems like Allison and Leah?  
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?  
How do you find words that mean Allison and Leah?

Jean: Flibbertijibbets!

Rouge: Will-o'-the wisps!

Emma: Clowns!

Xavier: Many a thing you know you'd like to tell them  
Many a thing they ought to understand  
Cyclops: But how do you make them stay  
And listen to all you say?  
Wolverine: How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

All: Oh, how do you solve problems like Allison and Leah?  
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Jean: When I'm with them I'm confused  
Out of focus and bemused  
And I never know exactly where I am  
Storm: Unpredictable as weather  
They're as flighty as a feather  
Rouge: They're darlings!

Scott: They're demons!

Jean: They're lambs!

Scott: they'd outpester any pest  
Drive a hornet from its nest  
Kurt: They could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl  
Gambit: they are gentle!

Scott: they are wild!  
Emma: they're a riddle!

Jean: they're mild!  
Scott: They're a headache!

Gambit: They're angels!  
Wolverine: They're girls!

Xavier: How do you solve problems like Allison and Leah?  
Wolverine: How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?  
Gambit: How do you find words that mean Allison and Leah?  
Jean: Flibbertijibbets!

Rouge: Will-o'-the wisps!

Emma: Clowns!

Xavier: Many a thing you know you'd like to tell them  
Many a thing they ought to understand  
Cyclops: But how do you make them stay  
And listen to all you say  
Wolverine: How do you keep a wave upon the sand

All: Oh, how do you solve problems like Allison and Leah?

the front doors both slam open and Allison and Leah run in

Leah: come on! We're gonna be late!

Allison: Wait our class is down that hallway! Points toward the hallway on the opposite side of where they were going

Leah: Right!

they both kinda skid on the floor as they change directions

Alison: stops, seeing the X-Men ummm…hi…

Leah: Stops …shitshit…ummm…we're gonna just go to class now…

Allison: …yeah…

they look at each other then walk to class and you can hear them run once they're out of sight

All: How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?


	6. XMen Mansion

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, X-Mansion or Oklahoma, and I'm too broke to try to. I did write this though…

X-Men Mansion

Sung to Oklahoma

X-Mansion!   
X-Mansion's gonna treat you great!  
Gonna give you X-Suits, free food and education,  
Places to do battle!  
Lots of information!  
Flowers in the garden where Storm makes 'em bloom,   
Plen'y of air and plen'y of room,  
Plen'y of room to use powers!  
Plen'y of things to pass the hours.  
X-Men Mansion where the young X Students are trained  
And the Danger Room can sure train them  
and the Brotherhood attacks again.  
X-Men Mansion,  
Ev'ry time the mansion is attacked  
the X-Men fight and use their powers  
and they kick ass every single time.  
We know the mansion is destroyed  
although the fight we really enjoyed!  
And when we say  
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!  
We're just sayin'  
That we'll build you again,  
When you're destroyed!   
X-Men Mansion, hooray!

X-Men Mansion where the young X Students are trained  
And the Danger Room can sure train them  
And the Brotherhood attacks again.   
X-Men Mansion,  
Ev'ry time the mansion is attacked  
The X-Men fight and use their powers  
And they kick ass every single time.  
We know the mansion is destroyed  
Although the fight we really enjoyed!  
And when we say  
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!  
We're just sayin'  
That we'll build you again,  
When you're destroyed!  
X-Men Mansion, hooray!


End file.
